Bad Behaviour

Dealing with bad behaviour can be quite daunting and can really get you down at times, making you question your ability as a parent or even cause friction among family members.

I'm a mum of two children and the oldest is a six year old boy, who quite frankly has a bad attitude and behaviour problems. We have tried all sorts of things to calm him down and got nowhere with it. It got to a point where I was questioning my ability to cope with it all and was also causing problems with my husband, as we were going in two different directions.

It didn't take long for our son to work out who was weaker and who he could wrap around his finger, so he used this against us to get his own way and this caused numerous arguments for me and the hubby.

So eventually after not being able to get anywhere on our own we asked for help. We spoke to his health visitor, but got no support at all, so we moved to the school for help. We spoke to his teacher about our concerns and she put us in touch with the school nurse and school liaison team.

We were quite upset that we didn't feel we could do this on our own, but it was the best thing we did. We had our first meeting with the liaison team and talked about our concerns and they pointed out that we were doing a really good job and everything we had done in the past was right, we just had to stick with it for a longer period of time (a month for each change they recommended). This gave us the the strength to try it all again; so with their help and support that's what we did.

Some of the things we have tried and now in place and working for us are

Praise all the way. Even the small insignificant things, praise them for it. They should always have more praise than negativity.

Reward charts. Work together with your child to make this fun and let them, within reason, pick their rewards.

Sticker books work well alongside praise. If they have some physical evidence of praise they are that little bit more inclined to do good things again.

All people involved in the care of your child must follow suit in order for this to work. This includes lovely grandparents who fill your kids with sweets then send them home!

Be lenient at the beginning with changes. Speak to your child about changes in the household rules and what's expected of them before you alter anything. This will give them time to deal with it without it being too sudden a change.

Talk to your child about his feelings and find out if anything is bothering him. You would be surprised to find that something small can have a big impact on how you child behaves.

With the support we have received we now have a much happier household, And most importantly a happier child.

Restorative Questions

These are some of the questions we were given to ask our son. You can change the wording of the questions to suit the age of child, as we did.

What happened?

What were you thinking about at the time?

What have your thoughts been since?

Who has been affected by what you did?

In what way have they been affected?

What do you think needs to happen now?

So please, if you are struggling with bad behaviour, ask for help. There is no shame in support. Your health visitor can help for pre-school children or your GP and school nurse for older children.

Kerryflump (talk) 14:26, 1 May 2013 (UTC).